This Unnecessary Puta

1. 25
   15
   Jan
   
   Is there actually anything in this world more beige than awards season? I mean, here we have an event - be it the Golden Globes or the Oscars or the SAGs or whatever - designed to gather all the eggshell and desert sand from every corner of the planet to one place. 

   Don’t get me wrong - there is something entertaining about all that glitz and glam once a year. The actual awards, the funny monologues, the unscripted moments of fuckery, the upsets and surprises - that’s all fun (minus the lack of diversity, arbitrary nominations, and millions of money shelled out on this stuff).  It’s not really the ceremonies themselves that are beige, but the hullabaloo that goes around them. 

   Have you ever watched red carpet footage on the E! Network? It’s mind numbing. Here you have these two bland people, spray tanned within an inch of their lives (Giuliana Rancid and Ryan Seacrest), saying things like:

   “So what’s a typical date night for you?”

   “Are you wearing a blue tie because blue is your favorite colour…or?”

   “You’re just like your character…the sassy maid…aren’t you?” [to Octavia Spencer of The Help]

   “We have people planted all over the red carpet so that we DO. NOT. MISS. Angelina Jolie’s dress.”

   “Did Diane Lane she get younger?”

   It’s nice to see an actress in a pretty dress but these people on the red carpet treat their 30 second interviews with the likes of Charlize Theron, Stacy Keibler, Piper Perabo, Claire Danes, and Nicole Richie as if they’re doing war coverage. I’m sorry, I just cannot bring myself to care enough about a bunch of beige actresses in expensive dresses.

   Classification: Beige Gold

   • Golden Globes
   • awards
   • beige
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